Alright, someone is going to have to help me out here. I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore. I have watched all of the X-Men movies, in no particular order I might add, so I am at a loss about the timeline, especially as they have moved back and forward at least once. I don’t know if I am unique in this regard, because I am far from a fan of the franchise.

I can’t be the only one who is wondering why Jennifer Lawrence is both dressed and not spiky blue for the majority of this experience? Ho-hum, there goes at least one reason for sitting through it. (that’s sexist, I understand, but if it wasn’t a draw, then she needs to keep her clothes on ALL the time)

Whatever, I’m forced to go with the flow as the X-Men current doesn’t appear to be abating anytime soon, so with the proverbial pinch of salt, I went into this for the bangs and whistles and little else. If I’m really honest, I just wanted to see the scene where Lawrence gets throttled, given all of the table-banging that’s been going on. Personally, I think the lingering lascivious shot of her getting out of the car at the beginning of the film should have been more likely to offend (two firm thumbs up, Mr Singer), if people truly are getting in a hissy fit about her portrayal. But hey-ho, nowt as queer as folk, eh?

So apparently it’s the eighties, McEvoy still isn’t bald, Wolverine is nowhere to be seen (at least to start with), though I’m not even sure he should have been at this stage, despite being alive during the war at some point. Sansa Stark is doing a rather flat impression of Famke Janssen. Scott is spending most of the first half of the film with his weedy eyes shut and the most engaging character ends up being the villain, the apparent first mutant from pre-biblical times, who has been trapped under some rocks in Cairo for the best part of five thousand years. Well, now he’s woken up, and boy, is he pissed.

Although now I think of it, I have never been reminded quite so much of Watchmen and The Mummy when watching X-Men as I was when viewing this. This might have been the locale (pyramids, innit) and/or the ridiculous outfits that most of the new female characters are introduced to us in. This didn’t cheapen the experience, however. It just made me slightly wistful for Rachel Weisz and highlighted the fact that this could have been a bit funnier than it ended up being.

In fact, the whole shebang was maybe just a fraction too serious for its own good. What with Magneto’s back-story in Poland after his childhood in Auschwitz (bags of laughs there, of course) and there is really no excuse as Marvel have demonstrated quite ably that they are more than capable of providing peril, adventure and comedy in easy to manage, bite-sized chunks.

Saying that, I couldn’t help but concede that I did actually enjoy this more than I was expecting. It lacks replay value for me personally, though the fanboys might argue. I’m not taken with, understand or really even have the patience to follow the timelines of each character, but if it keeps my eyes open and provides even the odd chuckle, then it has probably done its job.  It’s inarguably a little too long, with some pointless exposition, but this is pretty standard for X-Men, in a continual attempt to ramp up the tension before the regular climaxes that Singer certainly delivers.

Sophie Turner does get her chance to shine by the end and whilst this is no Avengers Assemble, it is riveting at times, with some fantastic moments that will have action fans drooling. Most often the kudos comes when Fassbender or McEvoy are on screen, which should come as no great surprise.

In all, one that X-Men fans will love, Marvel fans will like alot, and the rest of us can be gratefully surprised by. Grab your popcorn Professor, it’s chock full of blockbuster!

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